" I Wanted to Burst Into Tears,but I Knew I Couldn't..."
At my second rotation at Baptist Memorial Hospital, I was assigned to the intensive care unit. I am thankful for the opportunity as it allowed me to work with critically ill clients, but there were many days that I let my emotions get the best of me. On my first day in the ICU, I was working with a client who had a severe infection. While I was in my client's room, I looked across the hall, because I could see a gathering that was taking place. It was a family getting ready to let their family member go off the ventilator. The family consisted of a husband and his two children looking to be around the age of twelve. Their mom had a severe aneurysm, and was now brain dead. As I was watching the devastated children and the father who was about to become a widower, I wanted to burst into tears, but I knew I couldn't. I wanted to go and hug them all and offer them words of encouragement, but their mom was not my client, and I knew I could not comfort them no matter what I said. Instead, I remained professional and tried my best to mask my emotions, so I would not concern the client that I was working with.
"I Tried Not to Panic When She Told Me..."
Another challenging encounter that I had at Baptist, was when one of my clients coded right after I left the room. I was in week nine of my fieldwork in acute care, and I thought the day was going to go very smoothly, because I was not in the ICU. I was working with clients on the third floor that day, which were mainly individuals who had dementia, generalized muscle weakness, or mild infections. A physical therapy assistant and I were working with a client who was pleasantly confused and wanted to get into his chair to watch television. He transferred to the chair with minimum to moderate assistance, and the PTA continued to do exercises with him, while I moved on to my next client. When I exited my client's room, the PTA was outside of the door and in a complete panic. She stated "he coded...our guy coded....he is dead." I tried my best not to panic when she told me this information, but my first thought was "did I kill this man?". I remained calm in the situation, and actually tried to comfort the PTA who was working with him at the time he coded. We discussed the situation with the nurse, and she said that he most likely threw a clot whenever he was mobilized, and that it was nothing that we did wrong. I went on about my day, trying to act as normal and professional as possible, but it was a challenge not to be bothered by the events that had taken place earlier that day. I discussed my feelings with my fieldwork educator, and she was really impressed by how composed I was in the situation. I hope I never have to encounter a situation like this again, but if I do I at least feel more prepared.